The Moment It Ended
by Sindie
Summary: A short story sequel to The Moment It Began. When the anniversary of Severus's death comes around, how does he cope with telling his son? Can he tell his son?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters are copyright of J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros., and they were used without permission. However, they were used with consideration and with no intention of making money. This story is simply an appreciative fan's attempt at writing something to contribute to the world of Harry Potter.

Very Important Author's Note: This is a sequel to my novel-length story, The Moment It Began. If you haven't read that story, this will be make very little sense to you. If you don't want to invest in reading something so long, though, and you still want to read this story, I will briefly summarize for you. In The Moment It Began, Severus Snape was given the chance to relive his life, starting from the moment of "Snape's Worst Memory." He had the mind of a thirty-eight-year-old in the body of a sixteen-year-old, so he had all his memories and knowledge from his previous life. In reliving his life, he made many choices that changed things: He didn't join the Death Eaters. He "got" Lily. They fought in the war against Voldemort, who was eventually defeated. Severus and Lily were married and had a son, Evan.

This story is not going to be novel-length, but rather a short story. I do not think it's necessary to write something that's almost 300,000 words long to get across what I wish to in this little narrative. Sorry for the long author's note, but I hope it was helpful! Now, please enjoy!

Email comments to sindie11(at)yahoo(dot)com.

Sindie Presents a Harry Potter Fanfic:

The Moment It Ended

Chapter One

Black eyes.

That was all he could see at the moment as he focused on his reflection.

Blinking a few times, he shook off the sleepiness that lingered. With a sigh, he knew he couldn't keep wasting time. Work was calling, and being a Healer was a demanding job.

Glad to be a wizard, he simply aimed his wand at his face and muttered a spell to remove a day's worth of stubble from his chin and cheeks. He ran a comb through his long hair and tied it back – it was easier that way with his profession.

Thankfully, he was already dressed, which was easy – all Healers wore lime green robes.

Severus Snape checked himself over one last time in the mirror. There had been a time in his life (or make that _lives_) when he hadn't cared about his physical appearance much. Whereas his fairly young face had been prematurely lined before, especially around the mouth and between his eyebrows, such lines were lacking, at least with the same intensity. He supposed that had something to do with the fact that he spent his days much happier now, so that meant less scowling, sneering, and grimacing.

Today, however, he frowned. Today was May 2, 1998, the day he had died.

He stepped out of the bathroom and went down the hall toward the stairs, his mind whirling with thoughts. Every year on this date, he had remembered how Voldemort had ordered his snake, Nagini, to sink her fangs into his neck. His life should have been ended forever, but he had been given a chance to start over, and it had been nothing short of a miracle.

Severus was content and had been for twenty-two years now. He had Lily, and he had a son, Evan, who was currently in his last year at Hogwarts. Voldemort was long gone, and the Wizarding World had been more or less at peace these many years. So, why couldn't he just be happy today?

Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs, Severus was greeted by his wife. Lily stepped up to him and kissed him, smiling brightly.

"Good morning, Sev," she greeted him.

Here, Severus did smile. There were few mornings when he took this greeting for granted (little did he know that today would be an exception). To see Lily anew every day was a breath of fresh air, a reminder of how precious life was and all that he had gained.

"Good morning, Lily," Severus returned, now entering the kitchen.

He mused at how Lily was sometimes too good for him, what with her insistence that she make breakfast for him daily. He could cook, but she had become much like her mother over the years, both in looks and demeanor.

Lily's red hair was as vibrant as always. Whereas it was halfway down her back in her teens and most of her twenties, she now kept it just above her shoulders and layered. Severus found it a bit amusing that his hair was longer than hers, although not by much. There had been a time after they had both shaved their heads in support of Lily's mum's chemotherapy when their hair had grown very long, and Lily had teased Severus, asking him if he intended to mimic Dumbledore and that perhaps he ought to grow a beard to match his extraordinarily long hair. That had been enough to convince him to keep it just below his shoulders.

Like the bright color of her hair, Lily's green eyes contrasted the red as wonderfully as they did the first time Severus had gazed into them at nine years old. For being thirty-eight, her face was still youthful, and of course, she was still very beautiful to Severus. He didn't care that she had gotten a little wider around the hips, but that was just age and the happy result of enjoying life. Not everyone could be blessed with his metabolism, which kept him lean.

"How did you sleep?" inquired Lily, shoveling pieces of bacon onto Severus's plate.

While she did so, with the flick of his wand, Severus poured their coffee. He sat down and gazed across the table at Lily as she also took a seat.

"Fine," he said, his mind returning to his earlier thoughts.

Lily raised a disbelieving eyebrow at her husband, but didn't comment further. She knew him too well. Even after all these years of being together as best friends, lovers, and spouses, Severus could still close up when he didn't feel like sharing. He had always seemed older to her, which mentally was true, and while she knew this and all he had endured over two lifetimes, she still didn't like it when he was being less than honest with her.

"Evan sent a letter," Lily remarked. "It came this morning.'

"What did he have to say? Is he ready to sit his N.E.W.T.s?"

"You know he's always ready for exams," Lily replied, smirking. "Being in Ravenclaw has afforded him many good influences as friends, especially that Hermione Granger girl."

"Hmm, if only he weren't so close to Harry Potter," Severus muttered. "That boy is every bit like his father – a true troublemaker."

Severus had never quite gotten used to the fact that his son was best friends with James and Mary Potter's son. Yes, another Harry Potter. Seeing the boy through childhood and adolescence made Severus realize that the first Harry Potter truly been much more like Lily than James. He would have preferred that boy to the current one.

Lily only shrugged, laughing Severus's comment off with a wave of the hand. "He's harmless, and you know it, Sev." Sobering, she remarked, "Is work okay? You're not still dealing with that one patient who suffered from the Cruciatus, are you?"

Severus nodded reluctantly. Even though Death Eaters didn't roam wildly anymore, that didn't mean there weren't evil wizards out there. Reminded too much of the Longbottoms, Severus hated seeing anyone reduced to that condition, even if it was Gilderoy Lockhart!

"The idiot got too close to the wrong crowd. What can I say?" Severus stated. "His supposed fame was bound to backfire on him one way or another. Using Memory Charms on evil wizards and witches and other dangerous creatures has its consequences. I doubt he will ever recover."

"That's not what's bothering you, then," Lily said, finishing her coffee with one last sip. Standing up, she picked up her plate and cup and started carrying them over to the sink, only to stop when she gazed upon the calendar and realized the date.

"You know we have magic for that," Severus wryly started to remark, for Lily had always insisted on doing certain things the Muggle way. When she stopped in front of the calendar, however, Severus's insides churned, and he felt his face harden.

Placing the dishes in the sink, Lily returned to her husband and stood behind him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pulling his upper body against her. "Oh, Sev, I'm sorry. I didn't realize the date-"

"Don't worry about it," Severus mumbled, looking at the remains of the bacon on his plate.

Gently forcing his head to turn and face her, Lily implored, "Severus, after all this time, why not just say something? Talk about it with him?"

"And risk driving him away?" Severus asked scathingly. "Every year it's the same thing – the blessed anniversary of my death comes round, and I contemplate whether or not to be brutally honest with Evan and reduce him to tears, knowing who his dad was… or he will think I'm totally insane. I worked for years, Lily, to build this life, and if I ruin it by driving this between my son and me, what will it prove? Today is the exact day. It's the year I died, and you know it, Lily. That is enough. You know everything, but it's been years since we talked about it-"

"You know I'm always willing to listen, Sev. Today is just a date-"

"It's a reminder of- of everything I did, of who I was, Lily!" Severus exclaimed, now standing and starting to pace. "Do you see why I choose to bury my thoughts on this matter? Is seeing me like this really what you want? Do you think it's what Evan needs to see? No, Lily, he doesn't. Some things are better left unsaid. Bringing it up now would do no good."

"Then why do you even let the thoughts enter your mind, Severus?" Lily asked hotly. "Either finally tell Evan the truth, or stop driving yourself mad every May 2. I thought you were happy, that you had moved past this."

Severus stopped pacing mid-stride. Gazing forlornly at Lily, he knew there were still some things she would never understand, and how could she? No one relived his or her life, no one but him, so who could truly understand?

"I cannot move past the moment it ended – my life, that is."

Lily shook her head, unable to comprehend her husband in that moment. She was frustrated and reminded of a much younger Severus, of a man who couldn't control his emotions when he shared them, so he kept them bottled up instead, hidden away from the world.

"I have to get to work," she muttered, and a second later, the spot where Lily had been standing was empty as she Apparated away.

Author's Note: I do not think someone could ever be expected to forget. If you think about everything Severus has been through, maybe you can understand why he still focuses on the bad things from his past, despite all the good. Remember that he can really be obsessive and narrow-minded about certain things. He carried a grudge that he couldn't forget, and of course, his love for Lily boarded on obsessive, and he could never, ever forgive himself for her death. It's funny but true, I think, that even when we should be happy, we can find something to make us miserable.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

_Dear Evan,_

_I hope this letter finds you well. Thank you for writing to us. We are glad to hear you are well and are studying hard._

_Your mother and I were wondering if you would like to return home for the weekend for a short visit. You have been missed greatly, of course. I'm sure you are eagerly awaiting the conclusion of your final year at Hogwarts. _

_Please be in touch shortly and let us know of your plans._

_Love,_

_Father_

Evan tried not to roll his eyes. His father was always so formal, at least and most especially in writing. While he had never insisted on being called "Father," he always signed his correspondence in that manner. He loved his dad and mum very much; there could be no doubt of that, but other parents never requested their children to come home for frequent weekend visits.

_This is a Hogsmeade weekend, too,_ thought Evan, frowning in much the same manner as his father. _I was hoping to ask Hermione to the Three Broomsticks._

Sitting on his bed in the dormitory, Evan glanced up and noticed his reflection in the mirror across the room. Much to his dismay, his teachers were always comparing him to his parents, especially his father. He didn't think much about physical appearance, but the girls often told him that he was attractive. He didn't see it, but the truth was that his features were a nice blend of both of his parents.

He would never be as tall as his dad, but his body was lean and wiry like his father's. His hair was as deep black as Severus's hair, although he kept it to his chin instead of as long as his dad's. He didn't need to be confused with his father more than he already was from behind, and teachers like McGonagall who had taught Severus had sometimes called him by the wrong name, which he didn't like much.

His eyes were vibrant green, and his face was more pleasing to the eye because of Lily's gentle features. He thought he might be sick if he heard that he had his mum's eyes one more time.

His life was uncomplicated and easy, but the thing was, that was why he felt like he had much to live up to, which, in turn, paradoxically complicated matters. His parents were vastly famous for their role in the war before his birth, and while his granddad had actually killed the infamous Voldemort, his parents had been key players in helping to bring the Dark wizard to his grisly end. That left some big shoes to fill for Evan, and no matter how smart he was, how popular he was with the girls, or how good he was at playing Keeper for the Ravenclaw Quidditch team, there was something smothering about having parents like his.

He loved them, yes, but sometimes he wished they were just… normal. Hearing tales of their exploits during the war and of their more recent discoveries and successes as a Healer and an Unspeakable had grown old long ago, and by now, at eighteen years old, Evan thought such stories as ancient as Merlin.

With a sigh, he picked up his quill and wrote a hasty reply.

_Hi, Dad,_

_Yes, I'll come home this weekend, but I'd like to stay Friday night at Hogwarts if that's all right with you. See you Saturday morning, then. _

_Love,_

_Evan_

He smirked, self-satisfied that he had called "Father" "Dad" and that his letter was short and informal. Attaching the letter to his pet owl's talon, he said, "Take this to Mum and Dad, Hermes."

Yes, Evan had named his owl for Hermione, the girl he was crushing after, not because Hermes was the Greek messenger god.

x x x x x

Severus returned home from work that evening to find the house still empty. Before leaving that morning, he had penned a letter to Evan, requesting a visit this upcoming weekend, thinking that it would help pave the way to a possible conversation and make Lily happy. They hadn't parted on good terms that morning, and while Severus couldn't blame her for being upset and frustrated, he didn't think she could ever fully grasp the depth and magnitude of his darkest, most troublesome issues. He had kept them buried in the graveyard of recesses in his mind, where no one would dare go unless they wished to end up buried there as well. Graveyards were for the dead, and it was better to leave the dead alone than to meddle with what had passed beyond the realm of the living.

Severus's first life and death were to be left there, forgotten. It was better that way, he tried to convince himself.

Then why had he written to Evan, inviting him home for a possible conversation? Did he truly think he could talk about all this? Confused, frustrated, and growing more irritated by the second, Severus groaned and rubbed at his forehead, feeling a headache coming on.

He stepped into the kitchen and found the window open slightly. Frowning, he wondered if he had left it open all day. While the weather was warm enough, he didn't intend to let insects into the house.

Spotting a rolled up piece of parchment on the table, Severus went for it and unrolled it. Evan had already written his response. Severus half-smiled and half-frowned at the boy's cheekiness. He had raised Evan to be polite and well-mannered, but like any child, he didn't always listen to his parents. All in all, Evan had been a good kid. Severus was proud of him and wouldn't begrudge him his less than formal ways at times, especially after growing up in a household where his, Severus's, father had mistreated him so horribly. Evan would never believe his granddad capable of such violence, but Tobias Snape had been sober and clean for years now. He had become a better man, and although it was too late to be the father Severus had needed while growing up, Tobias had done what he could to be there for his son and his family. Evan loved the old man dearly.

Glad that Evan would be coming home, yet feeling his insides turn to ice at the mere thought of sharing the truth with his son at the same time, Severus forced his brain to turn away from those thoughts. He wondered how a person could experience such contrasting emotions simultaneously, but nothing was ever simple with this complicated man.

Wondering where Lily was, and hoping she hadn't gone somewhere after work on account of their argument that morning in avoidance of him, Severus decided to prepare dinner. He hated how his insecurities could still creep into his life even now, when he really shouldn't be complaining and worrying.

With a wave of his wand, Severus opened the cabinet to the left of the sink and levitated some plates and cups to the table, followed a minute later by the silverware from the drawer above the cupboard. He walked over to the refrigerator (Lily had eventually convinced him to keep the house connected to the electricity) and searched for something to prepare for dinner. Being a Potions master in a previous life, he was quite good at cooking. He loved experimenting in potions to this day, so doing likewise with food could either result in something extraordinary or awful. He had some specialties.

Severus removed some fresh tilapia from the fridge, along with lemon juice. From the cupboard, he retrieved the olive oil, oregano, parsley, and Cajun seasoning. The fish was easy to prepare, and with the use of his wand, he didn't have to dirty his hands. Once the fish was in the oven, he prepared some vegetables and rice for the stovetop.

While the food cooked, Severus stepped into the sitting room and perused his collection of well-read books for the umpteenth time. Some classics could never grow old or boring.

Once twenty minutes had passed, Severus stood and returned to the kitchen. Where was Lily? Growing concerned, Severus removed the food from the heat and loaded the plates, topping the fish with some fresh salsa. It added lovely flavor.

He considered making a Floo call to the Ministry's Department of Mysteries to see if Lily was still at work, but just as he was about to do so, a pop resounded from the small entrance hall, and Lily was entering the kitchen a moment later.

"Where were you?" Severus demanded, the question already blurted from his lips rudely.

"Hello to you, too, Severus," Lily replied, her mouth down-turned and her eyebrows arched inward.

"Sorry," Severus mumbled, "but I was just worried. After this morning, how we left things-"

"Yes, that was the start of a most pleasant day," Lily said sarcastically, throwing a look at Severus and then at the table. She stopped shortly. "You cooked dinner."

"Yes, I thought it would help… I'm sorry for this morning, Lily, truly, but I was hoping to talk about this over dinner, but if you don't mind my saying, you don't really seem in the best of moods."

Severus quickly stashed away his own moodiness and problems and focused on his wife. Whenever she was upset or in distress, he softened almost immediately, for he loathed seeing her that way.

"I had a bad day," Lily grumbled, flopping into the chair opposite of her husband. "I'm sorry, Sev. Work was crazy, and I had to stay later than I realized."

"Don't worry about it. Anything you want to talk about?" he offered.

"You know I can't talk about my job… the whole Unspeakable thing and all, but thanks all the same." Lily's mood was already improving, and she smiled slightly at Severus. "You said you wanted to talk about this morning? Are you sure you weren't just trying to evade such a thing a moment ago by asking me to discuss my work?"

Lily knew Severus as well as he knew himself, at least almost.

"Maybe," Severus replied elusively, smiling a little, glad to see that Lily was in a better mood. "I hope you know I don't mean to be difficult, it's just-"

"Your situation is unlike anyone else's," Lily finished for him. "And you're right, who could ever really understand it but you? Even though I know the facts, it's not the same as the experience."

Severus nodded. Lily knew just how to say things in the most sensible manner.

"This tastes amazing, by the way," Lily remarked after taking a bite of the fish. "Mmm."

Severus smiled. "It was easy."

"So, about telling Evan the truth-" Lily started to say.

"You don't waste any time, do you?" Severus asked, torn between annoyance and bemusement. Yet again, he was experiencing conflicting emotions. That seemed to be the theme for the day.

"Well, you said you wanted to talk," Lily pointed out.

"It just so happens that Evan is going to visit this weekend, and we'll see how things play out. I'm not promising anything, Lily," Severus stated repressively.

Sighing, Lily said, "I guess that's the best I can ask for."

Grateful that they were over their disagreement this morning, Severus continued to feel two emotions at once, for he was filled with foreboding about the weekend ahead.

Author's Note: Wow! Just let me say THANK YOU! I never imagined this little story would have such a warm reception. It's lovely to be writing again, especially in this "universe" I've created. The Moment It Began was my favorite story to write, and I don't think I could ever repeat that. I hope you continue to enjoy this!

On a side note, if you are interested in another current fanfic of mine, check out Deliver Me.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

The rest of the week seemed to pass in a whirlwind. Severus wondered if a higher power was purposefully speeding time up so he would have to face his son sooner, but despite magic, he knew that time was constant. Its apparent velocity was influenced by subjectivity… heavily.

When Saturday morning arrived, bright and sunny like most May days, among the most pleasant of the year, Evan was preparing his overnight bag. He had slept in as late as he thought he could get away with, and now the bag lay on his freshly made bed, half-full. He sighed, throwing another pair of socks into it. Glancing at his books stacked on the night table next to the bed, he briefly wondered how many of them he ought to pack… if any.

He grinned wryly, imagining in the conversation playing out in his mind:

_"What do you mean you didn't bring any of your books home? N.E.W.T.s are less than two months away, young man," Severus admonished._

_Rolling his eyes, as was a bad habit he had developed from his best friend, Harry, Evan replied, "Dad, it's only a couple of days, honestly. I study more than any other kid in my class. If you saw-"_

Shaking those thoughts from his head, Evan grabbed his Transfiguration, Potions, and Defense textbooks and stuffed them into his bag. Two of those subjects had been his father's favorites, so Evan figured he could please him the most easily with them. Whether or not he actually studied this weekend would be another matter entirely.

Finally satisfied, Evan zipped the bag shut and flung it over his shoulder. He waved goodbye to a couple of housemates and made his way down the stairs to the common room. He spotted Hermione sitting in her usual chair near the fireplace. Her nose was buried in a book, so she didn't see him.

Stepping up to her, he said, "Hermione."

Giving a little start, Hermione gasped and put down her book. "Oh, hi, Evan." She smiled up at him. "You scared me."

"Sorry," Evan replied sheepishly. "I didn't get a chance to tell you earlier this week, but I'm going home to my parents this weekend."

Evan watched as Hermione's face fell. Only a moment ago, an auspicious expression had filled her features, but now she was gazing at the fire, in obvious avoidance of eye contact with Evan.

"Oh, that's- that's nice," she whispered, ashamed to be turning pink.

"Hey, I'm really sorry I didn't tell you sooner. You know how it goes – All this studying and N.E.W.T.s coming up… the end of our Hogwarts career. No one knows it better than us." He tried to smile, but figured he was probably grimacing like an idiot.

"Right, studying… yes, that's us, all right," Hermione tried to joke, a brittle laugh escaping from her lips. "Well, have fun, Evan. See you around, I guess."

Realizing that Hermione was every bit as disappointed as he was, for both had talked up this Hogsmeade weekend for weeks now, Evan knelt in front of the girl he admired and had feelings for (but he had been too frightened to admit them to her yet, and seeing her face now, he was sure she felt the same way about him).

"Hey, I'm really sorry, Hermione. You have so idea. My parents… well, it's mostly my dad, but when he demands, er, asks for me to do something, it's best that I do it."

"You're of age, Evan," Hermione pointed out. "Why does your father insist on treating you like a child?"

Hermione's parents were very liberal and often let her make her own decisions. She had spent several holidays away from home, and Evan often wondered how close she was with them. She never spoke about them much, but he knew they were both Muggles, so he could only imagine that their worlds simply didn't intersect much. Still, his living grandparents were all Muggles, as was his aunt, and he got on just fine with them.

"You don't know my dad, Hermione. He's… very strict."

Hermione frowned. "I don't think I'd like him much. He's too controlling."

At this, Evan laughed. "You have no idea. But seriously, I think you would actually get on quite well. He's very smart like you, very organized and structured when it comes to academia. I'm sort of hoping that… one day you might meet."

"How do you mean?" Hermione asked.

Bolding taking one of her hands, Evan could feel the heat of his blush in his pale cheeks. "I'm hoping to keep in touch for a long time after Hogwarts, if you get my meaning," Evan admitted quietly. "This weekend was supposed to be special for us, and I promise to make it up to you."

Hermione smiled, blinking back tears. "All right, Evan. You promise?"

"I never make promises I don't intend to keep, Hermione. I must go now, but I'll see you on Sunday evening… That's tomorrow. Not long at all."

Hermione nodded. "Goodbye, then. And have fun. I mean it."

Evan released her hand and stood. If he had been a Gryffindor, he might have had the courage to kiss her hand, at least, but he didn't think himself as courageous as his parents. Then again, that was a completely different matter from fighting in a war… kissing a girl! He thought the kissing part scarier.

Unfortunately, Evan couldn't Floo to his home from the fireplace in the Ravenclaw common room, so he made his way toward the headmaster's office, the only fireplace in all of Hogwarts that was connected to the network. He didn't think too fondly of the headmaster, for Dumbledore was strange to him. Evan would glance up during mealtimes to find the old wizard gazing upon him, and Dumbledore would smile vaguely, but never say anything besides a simple greeting.

Upon entering Dumbledore's office, the headmaster smiled in that same vague manner at Evan and said merrily, "Ah, going home again, young Evan Snape? Have a good weekend and be sure to give your parents my fondest regards." The ancient man's blue eyes twinkled madly.

"Right," Evan replied awkwardly, taking a handful of Floo Powder. "Uh, good day."

Tossing it into the grate, he announced his destination and stepped through and into his own sitting room. Severus was seated in the armchair and glanced up from the book he was reading, feeling his stomach drop inside.

"Good morning, Evan."

"Hi, Dad," Evan replied cheekily. "Happy to have me home?"

"Always," Severus replied, standing and embracing his son. In that gesture, the foreboding inside Severus melted away as he held his son… perhaps a bit longer than Evan thought normal.

"Uh, Dad? You can let go now. I'm happy to see you, too."

Severus released Evan and stepped back clumsily. Thinking his father to be acting uncharacteristically strangely, Evan said, "If it's all right with you, I'm going to put my bag up in my room and say hi to Mum."

"Take your time," Severus replied, torn between adoration for the boy in front of him and apprehension at what the weekend held.

Severus watched as Evan left the sitting room and ascended the stairs. In that moment, he thought Spinner's End to be entirely too small to house the myriad of feelings and thoughts that were circling through his mind. Accustomed to being smooth-tongued and graceful with his gestures, Severus felt out of his element. This was only is son, after all! Why was he so nervous?

_Yes, only my son… The one person in my life besides Lily whose opinion of me matters to me. Guess what, Evan? Your dad is reliving his life, and guess what again? You weren't even born; you didn't exist in my other life. How mental is that?_

Severus was in the midst of pacing the length of the room when Lily and Evan entered.

"Is there a reason Dad's acting so strangely?" Evan posed loudly to Lily, on purpose so that Severus could hear.

"I think too much thinking has finally addled his brain," Lily replied teasingly. She hoped to bring a little light-heartedness to the situation.

Severus stopped in his tracks and forced a half-smile. "It's nothing to worry about, Evan. I was thinking we might go into town today for lunch."

Distracting his teenaged son with thoughts of food would keep Evan's concentration off of him for a while.

"Excellent," Evan replied, brightening. "It would have been nice to know what we were doing in advance. I might have been able to convince Hermione to join us."

_He really has an interest in the Know-It-All. Hmm, annoying though she could be, at least she was a good student, _Severus mused to himself.

Lily smiled at her son. "Is it serious with this girl?"

Evan blushed slightly. "She's just a friend."

"'Just a friend?' Right," Lily said, unconvinced and winking at her husband. "Your father insisted on just being 'my friend' for years, but he was in love with me from the moment he laid eyes on me, I think." Lily was teasing now, knowing how much her son was like his father in that way – shy around girls.

"A nine-year-old boy, such as I was when we first met, Lily, does not have any idea of what it means to 'be in love,' but for the record, Evan, the sooner you are honest with this young woman, the better it will be for both of you. You do both of yourselves a disservice by keeping your feelings to yourself," Severus practically lectured.

"You're one to be giving advice about keeping feelings locked up," Evan replied sarcastically. "Really, Dad. Mum and I are about the only two people who see your full range of emotions."

"And it will be staying that way, thank you very much," Severus stated. "Now, are you ready to be off, or did you need some time to settle in first?"

"I'm ready when you are," Evan said, looking from his dad to his mum.

_If only you were ready for what I am not ready to tell you_, Severus thought.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Before embarking on their trip into Manchester, Severus surveyed Evan's attire and briefly considered suggesting he change his clothes into something more formal, but one look at Lily discouraged that thought. Lily's raised eyebrow was enough to convince Severus that stalling would do no good. Since they were all already clad in Muggle clothing, there was no point if delaying any further.

"We'll Apparate to the alley near Cappelli's," Severus explained. "That's one of your favorites, right?" He looked at his son for confirmation.

"That Italian place? Yeah, it's good. I like their lasagna a lot," Evan replied. His stomach growled, and Lily chuckled.

"Since our son is obviously starving, we had better be on our way," Lily said wryly.

With those last words, the three Snapes Apparated to their destination. Upon their arrival in the deserted alley, a couple of stray cats startled and darted from behind a few rubbish bins, the metal clanging. Severus quickly glanced around, hoping the noise hadn't received any unwanted attention, but they were safe. No one came down an alley that reeked of rotting food unless they were homeless and desperate for something to eat.

"Great atmosphere," Evan mumbled sardonically.

"We can't risk being detected; you know that," Severus stated. "If was either this or take the public transportation."

"I was just kidding," Evan replied a little defensively, wondering why his father was being short with him.

One moment, his dad had been overly affectionate, and then seemingly nervous, and now he was acting irritated. Something was definitely bothering the older man, and Evan's curiosity was growing by the minute.

"Dad, is something wrong?" Evan asked boldly.

As they walked to Cappelli's, Severus briefly closed his eyes, focused on his breathing, and calmed himself.

"I've just had a stressful work week," Severus replied. "It is nothing."

_If it's nothing, then why are you taking it out on me?_ Evan thought, but refrained from speaking. He knew that picking a verbal fight with his dad would only result in hurt feelings and angry words.

Instead, Evan glanced at his mother, askance, but Lily just shook her head marginally, as if to say, "We'll talk about it later. Now isn't the time."

They arrived at the restaurant and entered. Much to Severus's ire, there were several people already sitting and standing in the waiting area. He was about to turn and walk out, when Lily placed a consoling hand on his forearm and said, "Let's at least see how long the wait is."

Severus grunted and stalked off to the side, leaving Evan standing there, confused. The young man watched as his mum approached the hostess and exchanged a few words with her. Lily returned a moment later.

"She says it's only about fifteen minutes," Lily said. "Can your hunger wait that long?" she teased Evan.

Evan chuckled. "Yeah, that's a reasonable amount of time. The better question to ask would be if Dad can stand waiting in this crowd for that long."

Mother and son approached Severus, who had taken a corner as far away from the others as possible. His arms were imposingly crossed over his chest.

"Fifteen minutes," Lily said. "Now, relax, Sev. Surely you aren't that hungry?"

"No, it's not hunger," Severus said quietly, inwardly embarrassed and ashamed that his attitude was ruining what was supposed to be a good time with his family. "I'm sorry."

Relieved to see that Severus was trying to be in a better mood, Lily and Evan waited with him. Thankfully, the promised fifteen minutes turned out to actually be only twelve. Not quite believing their luck, Severus followed his family and the hostess as they were seated. They were given menus to peruse.

"This place never used to be this crowded," Severus remarked.

"My parents used to bring Petunia and me here all the time as kids," Lily said. "Remember that time you can along, Sev?"

Evan's ears perked in interest. "You never told me that story, Dad."

"There's not much to tell," Severus said coolly. He disliked discussing his dismal childhood at any length with his son. "Your mum's parents were nice, so they invited me along. It was before we started at Hogwarts, even."

"Your parents never took you here?" Evan asked, surprised.

"My parents couldn't afford the luxury of taking me out to eat," Severus said repressively. _Most of my father's money was wasted on booze. _

Evan stopped questioning his father, knowing it was unlikely that he would get any more information than he already had. Before long, the waiter came and took their orders.

Thankfully, the rest of the meal went smoothly enough. It seemed that having some delicious food in his stomach helped calm Severus, and the more he thought about it, the more he was convinced that perhaps he didn't need to tell Evan the truth after all.

_What good would it do, anyway? It's one thing to be honest most of the time, but if the truth is going to do more harm than good, then is it best in those circumstances to keep the secret to myself?_

_But you don't know that it will do more harm than good_, a small, niggling voice inside insisted.

_Shut up_, Severus mentally told the voice.

When the waiter arrived with the check and handed it to Severus, Evan was watching his dad closely. Once again, Severus had a far-away look in his eyes. Something was definitely bothering him.

"Uh, Dad? Are you gonna take the check?" Evan asked.

Severus blinked and snapped out of his reverie. He muttered his thanks to the waiter and tetchily snatched the black folder from the man's hands. He opened the check book and surveyed the receipt, quickly laying down the notes for payment, and snapping the book shut again. Before the waiter could retreat, Severus passed the paid bill off to him.

"Keep the change," Severus stated.

"Thank you, sir, and have a nice day," the waiter said robotically, sauntering away.

"Did you leave enough for a decent tip?" Lily asked.

"Of course," Severs said, standing. He purposefully kept his annoyance at his wife's assumption otherwise at bay.

They left the restaurant and found themselves on the now crowded streets of Manchester.

"Why does there have to be an over-abundance of people everywhere we go?" Severus grumbled.

"Well, Dad," Evan said with deliberation, as if explaining something to a child, "it _is_ a Saturday, and the weather _is_ beautiful…"

"Such cheek," Severus muttered, but found it in him to smile a little. "Since we're in the middle of this mass of people, was there any place you would like to go, Evan?"

"Yeah, the guitar shop," Evan piped up. "Harry started playing guitar this year, and, well, I tried it out, and it seems really cool. It seems like something I'd like to pick up."

"Potter plays the guitar?" Severus asked disbelievingly.

Lily giggled. "It is rather uncommon to find someone who plays an instrument at your school, but not unheard of."

Severus snorted. In public, he wouldn't note that since Harry's parents were both Purebloods, it was unlikely indeed that he would play such a Muggle instrument as the guitar.

"In that case, it's just a few blocks away," Severus said. He didn't mind the walk, and anything that kept his mind off the potential conversation tonight would be welcome. If only he had thought to make such distractions welcoming earlier in the day, he might have avoided a lot of exasperation and strange looks from his son.

After meandering their way through throngs of people, the three Snapes arrived at the guitar shop. Evan eagerly entered first, followed by Lily, then Severus taking up the rear.

Severus remained near the entrance, which also served as the exit. He had to admit that an impressive array of guitars lined the walls. He didn't know much about the instrument, but knew that it was popular among Muggle rock and country groups alike.

"Are you serious about taking up the guitar?" Lily asked Evan as he walked along the guitars lining one wall.

"Maybe," Evan replied. "I wanted to try a few out first. I do have the money saved."

Hearing this, Severus strode over to his wife and son and posed, "You're seriously thinking of spending your savings on such frivolity?"

Evan frowned. "Dad, you know I never spend money needlessly. This is the first time I've expressed an interest in something like this. I thought, well, I don't know… I thought you'd at least be open to the idea."

Severus clearly detected the dejection in Evan's voice and immediately regretted his judging words.

"I apologize, Evan," Severus said quietly. "Just because I wasn't given such opportunities at your age…" He didn't need to finish the sentence, nor did he want to. Both Lily and Evan understood.

Evan half-smiled. "Well, in that case, what do you think about this one?"

He picked up a simple-looking guitar and held it, as if he were already comfortable with the feel of the large instrument. He strummed the six strings a couple of times and flexed his fingers, readying himself to play a bit. Evan played an effortless melody and hummed, his hums turning into words to an unknown song, and Severus found that his son's voice was pleasant to the ear.

"You never sang before for us," Lily remarked. "You ought to do it more often. I think you have a natural talent, and the guitar complements your voice well."

"I can see why you want to take up the guitar now, Evan," Severus encouraged. "Your mother is right; you do have a knack for it."

"You think so?" Evan asked, brightened.

"Definitely," Lily and Severus replied in unison.

Placing the guitar back down, Evan said, "Well, it can wait until school is done. I think I'm finished here."

Confident that the day had improved, Severus let Evan lead the way the rest of the afternoon. They stopped for tea at a café, sitting outside and enjoying the wonderful sunny weather. Severus's intermittent snips and gripes grew fewer between as the day progressed, and before he knew it, dinnertime was upon them.

"I'm feeling pretty worn out," Lily admitted. "I think it's high time we return home, and I can prepare dinner. Then we can talk."

"About what?" Evan asked.

"You remember earlier when I said we would talk later?" Lily questioned. Evan nodded, and she continued, "Then that's what we're going to do."

Severus felt his insides turn to ice with dread. His mood, which had slowly improved as the day wore on, darkened, and he glared at the back of Lily's head. She wasn't helping the situation any, even though she probably thought she was.

They found themselves back in the alley where they had started there day's venture, and with three pops, the Snapes Apparated to Spinner's End.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Upon appearing in the foyer of Spinner's End, Evan immediately took off up the stairs to his bedroom, saying he had some studying to do. Severus watched as the boy left, wondering if Evan was instead writing a letter to Hermione about his day. If Hogwarts had telephones, Evan probably would have called her, but as it was, he would be limited to composing a letter to the girl he fancied.

This was all pure speculation, of course. Severus continued to stand there as Lily removed her light jacket and hung it on the coat rack next to the front door. The rack was overtaken with coats, cloaks, and even some of Evan's pullovers. If they had a larger house, Severus would have been grateful for a cloak room.

Lily half-smiled at her husband as she said, "I'm going to start dinner. That ought to give you some time to think about how you want to broach the topic with Evan."

Severus frowned and followed his wife into the small kitchen. With a lazy flick of his wand, the cupboards opened, and the plates and flatware levitated to the table. Severus would have paced had there been room, but due to the spatial limitations, he trailed Lily like her shadow as she removed the food from the fridge and took it to the countertop to begin preparing dinner.

"You realize you're not making this any easier?" Severus posed quietly, not wishing Evan to overhear.

Lily snorted softly. "And you think you have?" she countered.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"All day, Severus, you've been acting strangely. Evan has picked up on this on numerous occasions, so he knows something is amiss."

"I fully realize that, thank you, Lily," Severus stated, wavering on impatience that this conversation was even occurring, "but you know how difficult this is for me. You telling him plainly that we're going to just sit down and talk after dinner makes it seem like we shall merely be discussing the weather, Quidditch scores, and the latest gossip from that dishrag paper, _The Daily Prophet_."

"I'm sorry, Severus," Lily said with forced calm, "but you've been deliberating on this matter for days now. If you didn't want to tell him, you could have decided not to let it be an issue." She paused, stopping cutting some carrots in the middle of speaking. "You do want to tell him, don't you?" she added.

"I do, but I don't, if that makes any sense to you," Severus muttered. "We've been through this already. It's not as simple as 'Guess what, Evan? Your father is reliving his life, and he used to be a bad man before.'"

Lily refrained from what she was doing and placed a reassuring hand on Severus's arm, right over where the Dark Mark had been in his former life.

"I'm not trying to be insensitive to your dilemma, Sev, but I know you've never been one to want to be coddled."

"I make an exception toward you on that rule," Severus admitted wryly, and for the first time since returning home that evening, he smiled.

Lily returned the smile. Over the years, they had had their fair share of arguments, what with Lily's hot-headedness and Severus's general demeanor, but they had always managed to come to an understanding between them before the sun set.

"Can you enjoy dinner, at least?" Lily quipped. "You seemed able to force yourself to calm down many times already today."

"I will manage, somehow," Severus conceded. "Here, let me help you with dinner. Why you still insist on chopping vegetables the Muggle way after all these years…"

x x x x x

After a fairly normal and mundane dinner, the Snapes gathered in the sitting room. Evan was seated on the sofa next to his mum, and Severus was occupying the armchair across from them. Before having electricity, a fire would have been crackling in the grate on the cooling spring evening, but the fireplace sat empty now. In the silence, only the tick-tock of the mantle clock filled the room.

Finally, Evan broke the thick stillness when he asked, "What is it you wish to tell me, Dad? You do realize that sitting here like this is only making me wonder more."

With a long-suffering sigh, Severus gazed across the short distance at the young man who was his son. Evan was eighteen years old now, more than old enough to be told the truth about his father.

"I ask that you please keep an open mind," Severus cautioned.

Lily wished her husband would stop stalling, but didn't say anything, as she knew pushing him would only aggravate him further at this point.

Evan gave a brief nod. "Okay, sure. I don't see what the big deal is, but okay."

"This is going to sound absolutely ridiculous, and I won't blame you if you don't believe me or think I've lost my mind, but this is the truth, Evan. I am reliving my life," Severus stated as levelly as possible.

Once the words exited his mouth, there was no recapturing them. There they hung in the heavy air, dangling the ensuing silence with disquiet and disbelief, all wrapped into one ungrateful gift.

"You're right," Evan eventually said. "That sounds ridiculous, and I don't believe you. What do you mean by 'reliving your life?' Do you mean to say that you majorly changed the way you were choosing to live your life at some point?"

"In a sense, I suppose," Severus replied, for that was true. He_ had_ changed the way he was choosing to live his life. "But I literally mean what I say – I had lived another, separate life, where I, er… I died. I was then given the chance to redo certain things."

Evan gazed incredulously at his father, then turned to Lily. "Mum, what's Dad talking about? Has he gone nutters like he said his mum did?"

Severus scowled deeply at the way his son was referring to his mother, Eileen. Evan had never known her, so how could he possibly understand? This whole conversation was going dreadfully already, and insults toward his late mother were injuring it further.

"Evan," Lily said placatingly, taking her son's hand in hers, "it's true. I've known for years, and I know it sounds completely mental, but Severus showed me certain memories in a Pensieve, memories that were unequivocally from another lifetime."

Evan's mouth hung open slightly, and he turned large eyes upon Severus. "Show me," he croaked.

Severus stood. "Give me a moment," he said, his voice carefully controlled from expressing too much emotion.

Evan watched as his father left the room, and he immediately turned toward Lily.

"Mum, what's this supposed to mean? I mean… how can it even be possible for someone to relive their life? I've never heard of such a thing."

Lily could plainly see that Evan's eyes were glassy, and his voice was tremulous with desperation and fear.

"I didn't believe it either at first," Lily replied, "but your father is telling the truth. As hard as it is to grasp, Evan, it's the truth. The memories will give you the proof you're looking for."

"But memories can be tampered with. Why would Dad suddenly drop this on me after all these years? Why not tell me when I was younger? Does he expect me to understand why he kept this a secret?"

Evan was hurt with dejection. He had always admired his father, for all the times he felt pressured to live up to the name of Severus Snape.

Severus returned with the stone basin clutched firmly between his large, pale hands. Evan knew that whenever Severus seemed the least emotional, it was when he was holding back emotion the most. Lily had no easy answers to her son's several questions, and since Severus was back with the evidence of his past existence, she would wait and see what Evan thought before trying to explain anything further. Besides, this was Severus's story to tell.

Severus extracted one memory, the most obvious one: the memory of his death. For now, that would have to be enough. He hoped by showing Evan just that one memory, the boy would come to believe.

Evan leaned forward, gazing down into the silvery, liquid-gas contents of the Pensieve.

"I've never gone inside someone else's memories before," he said doubtfully. "What do I do?"

"We can go together," Lily said. "It will be easier that way. Here, take my hand."

Evan clasped his mother's hand, and he suddenly felt his father's hand tightening around his other one. Looking to his right, Evan's green eyes met Severus's black ones. A moment of brief understanding passed between them: this was necessary.

The three of them dove into the Pensieve at once. Evan glanced around at his surroundings, not knowing where they were.

"This is the inside of the Shrieking Shack," Severus stated stoically, refusing to look at the scene before him. He had lived and relived it enough in his mind to know it all too well.

Evan couldn't deem what he was witnessing. A horridly pale, snakelike man with red, glowing eyes was saying something he couldn't understand. Evan saw the Severus in the memory and was shocked at how much older he appeared. This man was no doubt his father, but his face was harshly lined from years of stress, and there was no trace of any happiness in this man's already dead eyes.

The next thing he knew, Evan observed in absolute horror as a ridiculously oversized snake in a strange orb-like cage enclosed his father's shoulders and head. Memory-Severus released a blood-curdling scream as the awful creature's fangs sunk into his exposed neck.

The man who Evan knew had to be Voldemort removed the cage and its nightmare of a pet, and with sheer coldness in his voice, he said, "I regret it," and swept out of the room.

Evan couldn't help himself. He ran to his father's side in the memory and called out, "Dad! No!"

Tears were streaking down his face as he watched Memory-Severus's hands grapple in vain at the blood gushing from the wounds in his neck. With utter confusion, Evan stepped back a step when a boy who looked very, very familiar seemed to materialize out of nothing and come to Severus's side.

Evan didn't know what was happening, what the significance of the silvery threads of memory leaking from his dad's face meant, or why he asked the boy with glasses and messy hair to look at him. He had no doubt about one thing, however: Severus had most definitely died.

The memory ended, and the Snapes found themselves back in the sitting room of Spinner's End.

"What the hell was that?" Evan yelled, his normally calm face twisted in pain and confusion. "Why did you show me that? That- that was the worst thing-"

"It proved my point, I think," Severus said softly, afraid to look into his son's eyes, lest he find something he didn't want there: rejection.

"We're so sorry, love," Lily murmured gently, holding Evan to her.

"You wouldn't dare play a cruel trick on me, I know that," Evan stuttered between shaky breaths, looking over at Severus, who finally met his son's gaze.

"Never," Severus whispered. "Do you believe me now?"

"Y-yes, but I don't understand. How is that even possible? And who was that boy who was with you when you died? He looked a lot like Harry Potter."

"Because it was Harry Potter, only he had a different mother." Severus stopped there, not elaborating further. To tell the whole story of his other life would be very long and perplexing.

"I want to know why he killed you like that. Why did you look so horrible? I mean, you looked like you'd never seen a happy day, Dad, in that memory. If you were allowed to relive your life, was it because you were being given a second chance?"

The questions kept pouring from Evan's mouth. He had always been a curious child, and now that he was absorbing the initial shock, he needed to know the complete story.

Severus felt dizzy with the whirl of questions buzzing around him, and he weakly sat down.

"The story is neither pleasant nor simple," Severus stated warily. "Are you sure?"

Evan glared hurtfully at his father. "You can't just unload something like this on me and expect me to take it at face value, _Father. _I may believe you, but I have a right to know why."

Severus sighed. He had been afraid it might come to this.

"This is going to take a while to fully explain," Severus said.

He watched as Lily helped Evan to the sofa and sat down next to him.

Severus closed his eyes for a few seconds and got his bearing. "As for how it happened, I do not understand the details of how it was possible to relive my life, but all I can tell you is what I experienced. After dying, I passed into the afterlife and met Albus Dumbledore, who had already passed away in that universe. He was the messenger who essentially delivered the news that I was being given a choice: to relive my life if I wanted to. My life was, as you keenly observed, miserable, as was I. I was not a man you would have been proud to call your father. I was bitter, angry, and full of darkness. I had driven your mother away at an early age by my choices and by one horrible mistake…"

Severus recounted where his present life started: with what had been his worst memory. He told Evan the true retelling of that fateful day by the lake after O.W.L.s, how he had lost Lily's friendship and associated with the wrong sorts, which had eventually driven him to join the Death Eaters. The most painful part was sharing his involvement, however accidental, in Lily's death. He explained how Harry Potter was in that other world and what his marked mission had been: to destroy Voldemort. Severus told him about protecting the boy in memory of Lily, of his turning to the side of Light, of spying duties, and finally of his death again.

Evan listened without interruption, taking in every word. A couple of hours passed by the time Severus finished, and in the silence that followed, Severus hoped to God he hadn't just made a terrible mistake in being honest with his son.

Evan stood and was facing Severus's direction, although he wasn't looking at his father. Instead, he kept his eyes planted squarely on the wooden floorboards at Severus's feet as he said hollowly, "I – I don't know what to say. What do you expect me to say?"

"Nothing," Severus responded just as emptily.

What could he ask Evan to say? That he understood? That he loved his father, anyway?

That was what he longed to hear, to believe, but even now, after all these years of living a good life, Severus Snape couldn't believe it possible that someone could see the best in him, even his own son.

_How sad and pathetic I am_, Severus thought as he watched Evan leave the room without another word.

Evan had said nothing, indeed.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Once in the security of his room, Evan made sure the door was locked. He cast a spell to keep anyone from being able to overhear him, for he didn't know what noises might issue forth from his mouth in the proceeding moments. He flopped onto his bed and closed his eyes, willing away everything he had just heard… or at least he tried to do so. It was no use, however. He couldn't very well undo what had been done.

He wished he possessed a Time Turner. He wanted to rewind time and make it so he never heard his father's confession. Everything had been fine before. If his dad had such secrets, why had he kept them hidden all these years? Did he expect Evan to just smile and nod with complete and utter understanding, cross the room, and hug him?

With an anguished groan, Evan felt the first hint of a tear forming in the corner of his right eye. Before it could even fall, he dashed it away. He wasn't going to be a baby. He didn't know what he was going to do, but crying wasn't one of the things he had on his unmade list.

Evan stood suddenly and went to the window. He stared outside at the beautiful day, and grateful he didn't have to resort to climbing out the window like a Muggle, he Disapparated from his home.

He didn't go far – only to the playground a couple of streets over where he used to play as a kid. His face twisted in hurt as he looked upon the swings where his mum and aunt had swung years ago, and the bush that his dad had hidden behind and watched the girls was still there as well, only very overgrown by this point.

He kicked at the gravel as he walked. He supposed that no one was around because it was an hour until sunset and was glad for the silence.

Evan made his way over to one of the swings and sat down. Holding tightly on to the chains, he let the metal cut into his palms until the pain grew too much to bear. He idly kicked off from the ground and swung a bit, kicking more gravel and dirt up into the air.

He had played in this park many times as a child and had always thought it special that the place held memories of his parents' childhoods along with his own. His dad had pushed him on this swing, in fact.

Evan stilled the swing. He longed to blame the stinging in his eyes and the tightness in his throat on the wind and the cooling temperature.

_What am I supposed to do now? As if it's not mental enough that my father is bloody reliving his life, but he was… evil before? Okay, maybe not evil, but not a good person… No, he was…he wasn't evil. Just confused… but still a good person all along, right? I don't know. It's not that simple, is it? _

Evan huffed in annoyance at the complexity of his father. He had known his father was a deep and complicated man, but surely anything he thought before was a dim candle next to this blazing beacon.

He replayed everything he had heard from his father's mouth and the death scene he had witnessed in the Pensieve in his mind, going over the events many times. He had stridden out of the sitting room without really trying to understand much of anything, but what was he supposed to do?

That irksome question kept popping into his head. He had a choice to make.

Evan removed himself from the swing, thinking he was being a little kid. He could just go back to Hogwarts, he supposed, but it would break his mother's heart if he just up and left like that.

But what about his dad?

Did knowing what he now knew_ have_ to change anything? Evan wanted more than anything to go back to the way things had been. He loved his dad, didn't he?

_Of course I love him. He's my dad, but is that enough? Can I even trust him? He kept this a secret from me for my entire life. I wish he hadn't told me. What possessed him?_

The eighteen-year-old's emotions kept recycling from anger to sadness to a desire to forgive. Evan didn't know what waited for him at home, but with one last glance around the playground, he Apparated to his room again.

His parents probably hadn't even known he had gone anywhere.

x x x x x

While Severus and Lily didn't know about Evan leaving Spinner's End, that didn't change the worry they both were feeling in the aftermath of their son walking out of the room with nothing to say.

Severus buried his face in his hands and shook his head a minute after Evan had left.

"I'm such a bloody fool," he mumbled. "I knew this was a mistake. I shouldn't have said anything. Plenty of May seconds have gone by without me feeling the need to reveal that I've died."

Lily placed a comforting hand on her husband's back. "This May second was the year you died, though, Sev. That's got to be weird and hard to swallow. But hey, remember how I had to leave and process things after you showed me the truth all those years ago?"

Severus only nodded, removing his face from his hands and looking into Lily's eyes.

"And I came back," Lily continued gently. "Evan just needs time to think about everything you've just shared with him. Imagine yourself in his place. What do you think you'd do?"

"Okay, point taken," Severus conceded, "but that doesn't make this any less painful. Everything was fine before. You were right, Lily, when you said I didn't have to tell him."

"Either way, it's hard on you, Severus. Keeping a secret can be just as hard as sharing it."

"I suppose." Severus stared blankly at the fireplace, watching the hands on the mantle clock as they slowly moved, wondering how long it would be until Evan came back.

After about five minutes of sitting there, Lily asked, "Do you want to go upstairs and check on him? I can if you want."

"He probably just wants to be left alone right now," Severus replied morosely. "You know how he gets when he's upset. He tends to shut the world out."

"Sounds a lot like somebody I know quite well," stated Lily wryly.

Severus smiled slightly for the first time that evening. "Just how long should we give him? He's leaving to return to Hogwarts in the morning. You don't- you don't think he'll leave in the morning without speaking to us, do you?"

Severus felt his stomach flip-flop inside at that thought. There were still a few weeks left of school, and once Evan graduated, he might not even want to come home to live, especially with the knowledge he now possessed about his father.

"No, I don't think our son would do that," Lily replied. "If he doesn't speak with us before we go to bed, we can try talking with him."

That plan sounded as good as any to Severus.

"I can't just sit here," he said, standing. "I need… to stretch my legs. Do you want to go for a walk?"

"Perhaps I ought to stay here," Lily suggested. "If Evan decides to come out of his room, I don't want him to find the house empty."

"All right. I won't be gone long," Severus said, brushing a kiss onto his wife's cheek.

He strode out the front door, lacking the usual purpose in his step. Severus didn't often take walks in his neighborhood, but since he didn't live in Hogwarts castle like in his previous lifetime, he didn't have numerous corridors to stroll. The streets near Spinner's End, and Spinner's End itself, would have to make due.

Paying no heed to where his feet were taking him, Severus forced his mind to completely shut down as he raised his Occlumentic-shields, a very old practice. He surmised that he was really mentally like a sixty-year-old man by this point, having lived an additional twenty-two years after the first thirty-eight, so his magic was even stronger than before.

Ten minutes later found him approaching the old playground he and Lily had frequented throughout their lives. Severus was about to continue walking when he noticed a lone figure sitting on one of the swings. The person was too old to be a child, yet he lacked the stockier build of most grown men. A teenager, then. Severus realized with a start that he was gazing upon Evan from a distance. He didn't know why, but he withdrew into the forest nearby and continued to gaze upon his son.

He longed to go to him as his defenses crumbled within, to try and soothe the young man's heartache. Severus could tell by the manner in which Evan was grasping at the chains of the swing that he was in pain. Instead, he remained where he was, torn between hiding like the coward he thought he was and offering his boy comfort, which he feared would be denied.

He watched as Evan swung for a few minutes in the gathering darkness. It had been years since Severus had pushed his son on a swing, yet he wanted nothing more than to do so again, as if doing so would bring back the little boy who adored his father and whose view of him was untainted.

Before Severus could decide to act, however, Evan was standing and checking the surroundings. He Disapparated away.

Severus's stomach clenched as he tightened his fists in concern. He turned away from the playground and began walking back home. He could have Apparated, but the whole point of leaving his house was to walk – to try and relieve some of his anxiety.

_I hope you've returned home, Evan,_ Severus thought apprehensively.

In record time, Severus was back home and entering through the front door.

"Is Evan here?" he blurted the moment he spotted Lily.

"What? Of course he is, Severus. He's been in his room the whole time."

"No, no, he hasn't," Severus said hastily. "I saw him in the park, and then he Disapparated. I cannot be sure he's returned."

"You didn't talk to him?" Lily asked.

Severus shook his head. "Enough of this already. I should have spoken to him when I had the chance before, and now he may have gone somewhere else-"

A creak from the stairs startled both Lily and Severus, and they turned their eyes toward the staircase to see Evan descending them.

"Gone somewhere else?" Evan posed curiously, having overheard the last part of his father's sentence. "Who's gone somewhere else?"

"Oh, darling," Lily breathed, tears leaking uncontrollably from her eyes as she enfolded Evan in her arms.

Confused, Evan returned the embrace and looked at his dad.

"Dad?" he asked softly. "Can we talk?"

Severus nodded slightly, coming completely undone emotionally, and didn't say a word as he stepped up to his wife and son, the two most precious people in his life, and embraced them fully.

Sometimes words didn't need to be spoken, whether for ill or for good. This time, it was for good.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Most eighteen-year-old boys wouldn't have spent a good five minutes in the arms of their parents, but Evan was an exception to that rule, at least in those five minutes that ensued after the initiation of the embrace. Finally, he withdrew just enough to look into both of his parents' faces, which was kind of a challenge, since his mother was shorter than him and his father was taller.

"I thought about things," Evan started, "and while I'm still really confused about how this sort of thing is even possible, I believe it was made possible because… because you've always been a good man, Dad."

"Evan, you don't have to justify anything," Severus began.

"No, just let me say this, Dad, please," Evan interrupted firmly, yet softly. "I wouldn't have you any other way. It's obvious… more than obvious… that you more than made up for your mistakes-"

"They weren't all mistakes," Severus argued, frowning, unable to just accept his son's reception. "When I joined the Death Eaters, I chose that, Evan. I was not a good person then."

"You were young… and foolish, maybe, but- okay, look. The point is, you were incredibly brave in that life, just as brave as you've been in this life. Merlin knows I've heard over and over again how 'brave' you are, Dad, from the wizarding world." Here, Evan couldn't help but to roll his eyes, but his tone of voice was sincere.

Severus opened his mouth to argue the point, but Lily held a hand to his lips. "Will you just listen to your son and stop deprecating yourself, Sev? I think Evan forgives you." She smiled hopefully at her son.

"Of course I do," Evan stated in earnest. "I just wished you'd told me sooner. What hurts the most is that you didn't share this with me, but instead chose to keep it a secret. Your past is just that – the past. You're the man you are today because of it, so because I'm proud to call you my dad, I wouldn't have it any other way."

Severus wasn't used to hearing such words of praise and approval from anyone but Lily. While Evan had grown up admiring his parents, as he had gotten older, like any youth, he had desired to be more independent. He didn't often express his gratitude toward his parents these days, but the love had always been there. Of that, there could be no question.

Severus worked hard to swallow down the lump in his throat. He blinked several times at the unexpected wetness that had settled in his eyes.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, Evan," Severus confessed. "It was something I'd grappled with for years. I wasn't sure if telling you was even the right thing."

"Trust me, I was wishing you hadn't said anything at first," Evan said with a gentle laugh. "I thought everything was just fine before, but I guess it wasn't. I mean, maybe for me, but it obviously wasn't for you if you'd been struggling with this for years. I'm sorry you had to go through that, Dad."

"You're too kind, like your mother," Severus put in. He exchanged a look with Lily, who added, "I didn't want him to tell you, Evan. I thought everything was fine, too, but now that your father has told you the truth, I think it was for the best. In the end, the truth is the best, even when it hurts. If we can't be honest with the ones we love the most, then there will always be something we're hiding from them, and that's not right. A part of love is built on mutual trust."

Evan nodded with understanding. "I have a lot of questions, though."

"We have all evening to discuss them… and beyond that," Severus replied, inviting his family to have seats in the sitting room.

Evan and Lily followed Severus and got comfortable on the couch and chair.

"What did you wish to know?" Severus queried.

"What, er… what's it like to die?" Evan posed quietly. He felt like a timid child asking such a blatant question.

"I… I have a hard time remembering, to be honest," Severus admitted, "but I do know that the pain I had been experiencing was completely gone. Everything turned black, but then cleared, and that's when I met Dumbledore. It was such a short period of time. I sometimes wonder if it was just a dream."

"Was it scary?" Evan asked.

"I think I've lived long enough over the course of two lives to tell you that living can be a lot scarier than dying."

Evan carefully considered his father's words of wisdom. He asked a series of questions over the course of the next couple of hours, and Severus answered to the best of his ability. By the end of the evening, Evan seemed satisfied enough.

"Thank you for explaining what you could to me, Dad. I guess I ought to get to bed, as I expect to return to Hogwarts fairly early tomorrow."

The family stood and went upstairs. Before Evan went into his room, Severus said to Lily, "I'll be in in a moment."

Lily nodded and bade her son good night before entering the master bedroom. Now alone with his son, Severus placed a hand on each of Evan's shoulders and said, "I just want you to know… I love you. I didn't tell you about reliving my life because I was afraid of losing you."

Evan briefly considered teasing his father for being more emotional that day than he had ever seen him, but decided against it. Instead, he said, "I love you, too, Dad."

When Severus's face relaxed, Evan put in, unable to resist one little jab, "Now stop with the tears before you really do scare me away."

Severus laughed. "Good night, Evan."

"Good night, Dad."

The End


End file.
